I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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