I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
from now on my penis is your penis
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
