I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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