how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Congratulations! We have a period
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