Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
