I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
