the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
