He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Randomize
