Your tits are I can't wait for
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
