Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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