I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
