Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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