I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
