bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
