He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
