i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
