I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
