they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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