Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
