I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
