I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
