So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
