we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
