My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
