I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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