maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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