Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he was CRYING into my vagina
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
