I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
