i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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