I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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