Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
