i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
