mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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