cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
