At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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