I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
oh god was she eating orange peels again
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
