So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
