Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
