I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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