i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
