Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
