i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
