Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
