There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
