the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
