Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
