I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
only you would photoshop your dick
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
