You really coming over, don't trick.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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