wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
