Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
