Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
