a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
