Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
