my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just puked most of my soul out..
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
